Disclaimer

THE STORIES ON THIS BLOG ARE NOTHING MORE THAN A WORK OF FANFICTION AND SHOULD BE TREATED AS SUCH. I DO NOT CLAIM TO OWN THE STORIES OF HARRY POTTER, ARTEMIS FOWL, CHARLIE BONE, A SERIES OF UNFORTUNATE EVENTS, ERAGON/INHEIRITANCE SAGA, AND TWILIGHT, AS THEY ARE THE PROPERTIES OF J.K. ROWLING, EOIN COLFER, JENNY NIMMO, LEMONY SNICKET, CHRISTOPHER PAOLINI, AND STEPHENIE MEYER.

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Friday, February 17, 2012

Strange Things Happen in Bone Academy Chapter 2

Charlie sat outside of his house, wondering what he was going to do next. He wasn't sure if this was right, with him having to deal with Manfred and the results from that night. 

And there was also the painful fact that he could have lost his parents. But Charlie didn't want to think about that right now. 

Benjamin Brown saw him and said, "What's going on, Charlie?"

Charlie said to him, "Things have gotten really bad since last night."

"Did you succeed?" Benjamin asked. 

"Why does it feel like I lost?" Charlie asked him. 

"Whatever do you mean?" said Benjamin. 

Charlie then told him about the red tree, the strange Evans children, and the fight with Harry Potter. At that, Benjamin said to him, "Well, I bet that it must have irked you to have to face that kid. He must sound like a jerkface."

"He is a jerkface!" Charlie snapped back. "I mean, just because he vanquished some evil wizard when he was a kid doesn't make him great at all! Who did he think he was, anyway?" 

Benjamin said, "What a loser. I bet that he'll be sent to an institution for the criminally insane soon."

"If he gets caught," said Charlie. "Right now, I bet that he's on the run somewhere, as the mayor put a huge bounty on his head and alerted the entire community to what had happened at Bloor's Academy."

"So, do you have school?" Benjamin asked. 

"I'm not sure," said Charlie. "And with any kind of luck, I hope we never go back there. That place is nothing if filled with misery and pain."

"Speaking of which, I heard that the Looms and the Brankos have moved away from here, as have so many other families and other people," said Benjamin. "I guess that things around here have gotten way to weird for them to deal with."

Charlie said, "Well, looks like the less evil endowed I have to deal with, the better."

"But there's still your aunts," said Benjamin. 

"Good point," said Charlie. Changing the subject, he said, "So, where are your parents?"

"The police asked them to help investigate what happened in your school," said Benjamin. "Many of the people who knew that guy were arrested, but they're not talking at all. Plus, they're looking for Miss Something-Or-Other, so they can't be too bothered with other distractions right now."

Charlie nodded; Benjamin's parents were private detectives and they often worked long hours, leaving Benjamin by himself at their home. Sometimes, Charlie would come over Benjamin’s house to keep him company.

Benjamin said, "Can I come in, or is Manfred here?"

"Manfred won't hurt anyone; he's too busy sulking," Charlie said hastily. "But we need to be careful. My parents are here and dad's still trying to recover from what had happened to him years ago. I don't know if he'll recover his memories."

"Maybe he will, and maybe he won't," said Benjamin. "The important thing to remember is that while you may not get your old memories of your father back, you can still create some new memories."

"Yeah," Charlie agreed as both boys walked inside Charlie's house. 

-----

Jason returned to his apartment and was greeted by his children 11-year-old Joseph, 10-year-old Fiona, 8-year-old Madeline, and 5-year-old Maxwell. All four children were slowly recovering from their mother's death when the taxi she was riding in crashed into a freight train a few weeks earlier that month. 

Jason sighed as he took note of the 13-year-old girl sitting by the window. The girl was none other than Jacquel Romanov, who had turned on Harry Potter after being freed by Charlie Bone and his friends. Her brown hair was braided carefully and she was still wearing the same clothes that she was wearing yesterday. 

Jason said to the kids, "I know that we've fallen on hard times since your mother's death, but not to worry, I have some better news for all of you." Everyone stared at him. "I have decided to marry again."

At once, there was a collective "WHAT???" and then a large protest regarding Jason's second marriage. Jacquel stared out of the window, frowning at the rather unwise decision that Jason was making when he chose to remarry one month after his wife's death. Something isn't right in this situation, she mused, and I don't know why. I need to figure out how and why this is happening. 

She clutched a stuffed blue unicorn, since her pet had vanished during the melee that followed the murder of the Bloor family and the ransacking of the school just hours earlier. Many people were arrested, and Jacquel was lucky enough to escape before she was recaptured. 

Jacquel recalled hiding out at the apartment and the curious questions that the neighbors posed about her as she went door-to-door, asking for a safe place to hide. She finally came upon the Rutherford home, which felt ironic because she had vowed to never run and hide like a coward. 

Trichenbergs are not cowards, Nichollo's words were drilled into her head. Jacquel imagined her old guardian berating her for running away. We don't run away and hide; we face whatever is coming at us head on. 

She sighed and climbed from her seat and went straight to the kitchen. There was takeout on the table and the kids were eating silently. This could not be the way that she had envisioned her escape at all.

Jason looked at her and said, "Well, since you're here, I might as well tell you the truth."

"The truth about what?" Jacquel frowned. She seemed to frown a lot these days. 

"Why I'm getting married," said Jason.

"Ok, now where are you going with this?" Jacquel snapped at him angrily.

"My wife is dead and I can't raise my children all by my onesie," said Jason. "Plus, the daughter of my old friend shows up out of the blue and I need to figure out what to do with her."

"So you're getting married just for the money?" Jacquel said disapprovingly.

"I had to marry someone who was rich or my aunt would disinherit me," said Jason. "She never did like Faryn and begged me to divorce her shortly after Joseph was born. But I refused, and for the next few years, she and I were at odds."

"I wouldn’t put it past your aunt to have arranged that accident so that your wife died and with her out of the way, you could marry someone that she approved of," said Jacquel.

"Indeed," said Jason. "And my aunt saw fit to find Venetia Yewbeam. She never did like the Yewbeams, as they did her a great disservice years ago. But enough about that. We have much to discuss."

"Like what?" Jacquel said.

"We need to figure out your new name and change your appearance," said Jason. "Someone is looking for you, and they won't rest until you're back with that Dumbledore guy. I don't know why he insisted on keeping you when he killed your family."

"I could come up with a name easily enough," said Jacquel. "Mayhaps I could call myself Irene? After my mother?"

"Not Irene," said Jason. "Too obvious. Maybe we could call you Katelyn."

"Katelyn?" Jacquel frowned again. "After who?"

"How should I know?" said Jason. "But I know of some people who are in dire need. The Yewbeams are helping them. The woman has expressed a desire to have a child, but because of her age, a pregnancy would not be advisable. So we will claim that you are an orphan and needing a family. Maybe that will work out for you."

"Well," Jacquel said suspiciously, "that could work. After all, I had been raised by an uncle for many years, so maybe a parent would be nice."

"I hoped that you would agree to that," said Jason. "So tomorrow, I shall take you to my aunt and she could fix you up. She’s a great make-up artist and she'll have you looking the part in no time flat. Then you'll be introduced to your new parents. After I am married, the school will be opened up and..."

"You mean you're going to re-open Bloor’s Academy?" Jacquel asked. Everyone stared at her. "I was wondering, since there were two murders committed there, wouldn't they want to shut down the school for good?"

"Maybe," said Jason, "but remember that the school is a part of the town. It would be such a travesty to know that the school had to be shut down for such a morbid reason as murder. But the school will be reopened, and under new management.”

“So, you’re taking over the school?” Jacquel said.

“I’m going to be the new headmaster and I have some plans for the school,” said Jason. “There won’t be any problems when I get through with restarting the school.”

Jacquel nodded, wondering what she was getting herself into. It was one thing to change her name and appearance, but someone could still find her no matter who she called herself. She needed to completely change her entire life as well.

Nichollo won’t approve of this, she mused, and he certainly didn’t approve of my attending the Hundred Heads’ Ball either. But how do I go about creating a new life for myself without having anyone finding out about who I really am?

For once in her life, Jacquel Romanov didn’t know what to do with herself.
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Jacquel Rassenworth & the Hunger Games

Looks like the troublemaking Jacquel Rassenworth is at it again!

This time, she is Jasmine Goldcaster, a 15-year-old orphan girl who has been forced to star in the Hunger Games. She had barely survived the Hunger Games twice, and she certainly doesn't want to do it again. 

But when her younger twin siblings, Jolly and Molly, are drafted to be in the Hunger Games, Jasmine decides to take their place, alongside her good friend Leo Bedlam, another orphan. When the Hunger Games begin, most of the competitors die within the first day. Jasmine is uspet when Leo dies saving her from Peeta Mellark, who had tried to kill Jasmine. She is left with only Honor Brandslayer and Ivy Ragetiger for company. All three decide to get out of the games and escape from Panem.

But once Jasmine meets Peeta with intent to kill him, Peeta makes a deal with her: help him win and he would help her escape. And once Katniss Everdeen gets involved, let's just say that the government won't know what had hit them until it was too late.

Well, all I can say is that while Jacquel loves being part of every popular stoy out there, enough is enough! Can't she get her own series and stop butchering everyone else's?

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Friday, February 10, 2012

FanFiction Trailer #4

Coming soon to a fanfiction website near you...
In a world that has people obsessed with vampires and werewolves, one man sets off to create a truly terrifying creature that would have everyone talking for years to come.

But in the process of creating that creature and its story, he runs into a bit of trouble when the creature comes to life and begins telling him what to do! 
And to make matters worse, the hordes of vampire and werewolf fans are trying to get him to join the craze! 
How ill this play out?
Emmett: I want to play the crazy guy!

Jacquel: No you can't, Emmett. I haven't even gotten the script ready yet!

Sam: So will there be any steamy love scenes in this story?

Jacquel and Emmett: Shut up, Sam!
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How "Game of Thrones" Should Have Ended...(the Ironman Edition)

Well, here's how the story could have ended:

(takes place during Ned's execution)

Cersei: Well, Ned, you tried to expose some rather outrageous secrets about my family. Now why would you do that?

Eddard: Hmmm...your concept of family is rather astounding when you take a look at it. I guess it all boils down to family, am I right?

Cersei: Well...

Eddard: And I do know for a fact that it's our families that keep us right.

Crowd: Get on with it!

Eddard: And I say this to you, Cersei: you have messed with the wolves, now you shall face their teeth and claws!

Cersei: What???

Eddard: I'd like to introduce you to my cousin, Tony Stark! (Iron Man shows up as the Iron Man theme plays. The crowd watches the scene unfold with total awe.)

Iron Man: Cersei Lannister, I heard that you've been messing with my cousin Ned and his family! Now you must pay!

Cersei: What??? (Iron Man beats up Ilyn, Joffrey, and the guards. The crowd is awestruck.) Why are you doing this to me???

Iron Man: By the way, incest is a sin! You're a disgrace to queens everywhere! (punches Cersei across the face. She runs off weeping)

Eddard: Yo, thanks a lot,  Iron Man!

Iron Man: You're welcome, Ned. That'll teach them that nobody messes with the Stark family and lives!

Eddard: Well, now that that's over, you want to grab a drink?

Iron Man: Yeah. (they head to the nearest bar)

(another scene)

Sansa: What happened to you?

Arya: Guess what?  Iron Man showed up and beat the crap out of that stupid Joffrey!

Sansa: Say what now?

Arya: Yeah. Now you don't have to marry Joffrey at all! In fact, we can join the Avengers and save the world!

Sansa: Pass. I'd rather go chase after Loras Tyrell.

Arya: Well, suit yourself then. (addressing the crowd) The Avengers comes into theaters on May 4, 2012! (crowd cheers)
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Fantasy Roast #2

The Roast of Harry Potter
As seen on Fantasy Central
July 15, 2011

Katniss: Hello, everyone, and welcome to the Fantasy Central Roasting! I'm Katniss Everdeen of the "Hunger Games" and we're coming to you live from the Great Hall at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft & Wizardry! Magic? Say what, now? (audience laughs) Anyway, get ready for the roasting of the century because we'll be roasting the one and only Harry Potter! (applause from audience as Harry is brought in by Bella Swan of Twilight and Farid of Inkheart. He is tied up and has a strip of duct tape across his mouth.) Bella, what's up with the mouth guard?

Bella: Well, I guess that Harry was so cheap that he didn't pay attention to the fine print in the contract. (audience laughs)

Farid: And he never should have signed that gag order in the first place.

Katniss: Indeed. And since our guest of honor can't speak for himself, please feel free to rag on him as much as you like! So are we ready to get this roast going? (audience cheers) Let's get started then! (Bella and Farid drag a protesting Harry to his seat as someone comes to the microphone)

Lucy: Harry, you are like a total douche. In fact, I know some animals that are better than you! (audience laughs)

Pippin: Out of all the idiots that I have known over the years, you are like the king of the idiots! (audience laughs)

Jacob: Harry, look at you. I totally should have imprinted on you and prevented this "crapilogue" that everyone keeps talking about. (audience laughs)

Eragon: You have no dragons in your story, you don't really beat the bad guy, you act like a whiny bitch, you have no sex appeal, and you suck. (audience laughs) Also, Malfoy never really hated you; he just couldn't stand your ugly FACE! (audience laughs)

Lyra: Harry, you're so pathetic that not even the alethiometer could tell me how to help you. (audience laughs)

Edmund: Harry Potter suffers from acute hero syndrome, which means that he wants to be the hero even when no one else wants him to become one! (silence from audience)

Katniss: Uh, this is supposed to be a roast.

Edmund: But I thought we were on "Intervention"! (audience laughs)

Percy: Harry Potter sucks so much that not even the power of Zeus can help him! (audience laughs)

Aro: We are the Volturi...

Caius: We are the greatest...

Marcus: We're the best vampires in the world.

Aro: But he can't say the same for his story because there are no vampires in his story.

Caius: But there are werewolves. UGH!!

Marcus: None of this matters because we just don't like you at all.

Audience: Ooooooohhhhh!!!

Katniss: Uh, where's the punch line? You guys need to tell a real joke about him.

Caius: Why should we? His whole face is a joke! (audience laughs)

Sansa: Going along the lines of that, I must say that that scar on his head is a total fake! (audience laughs) I mean, I like real guys who have real scars on their faces, as in their evil older brothers shoved their heads into the fire and all...

Sandor: It's true. My brother is a jerk. But I can't say the same for him, since that scar looks like it was drawn using a Sharpie! (audience laughs)

Artemis (Fowl): If I had a dollar for every time that Harry Potter was mentioned in the news, I'd have enough money to buy out his writer! (audience laughs)

Jace: Harry Potter thinks that he's all that and a bag of chips, but I'm Jace Wayland and I say that his story is so lame that not even a demon would dare approach him at all! (audience laughs)

Draco: Ok, everyone, so Harry isn't your perfect hero. I mean, who is? Also, I say that because of him, I have to be referred to as Harry Potter's Slave, since he treats me like I'm a total jerkface! (audience laughs) All I wanted was to be his friend, but then he turned around and threw it back in my face! So what does this say about your hero now?

Audience: Oooooohhhhh!!

Draco: I'm not finished yet! Harry Potter, you're so arrogant that you made my father look better than Fabio! (audience laughs)

Sansa: I just remembered something: why does Harry Potter look like John Lennon? I mean, he looks like that famous Beatle instead of a regular kid. Glasses? Round-shaped glasses? C'mon! Those things were so 1970's! What a shame that fame doesn't make you look good! (audience laughs)

Aria: Well, I bet that if "A" were to send Harry a text, he'd go all ballistic and try to hex everyone whose name starts with "A". Starting with that Dumbledore guy. (audience laughs)

Annabeth: Harry Potter saves the world and gets someone's little sister? Can you say ick? (audience laughs)

Meggie: I tried to read the Harry Potter books once, but it felt like I was just reading gibberish because nothing in the books came to life! (audience laughs)

Zoey Redbird: Harry, I heard that your last movie bombed so hard that it brought about someone else's comeback! (audience laughs)

Alex Rider: How dare Harry Potter call himself great when I kick butt and take names! (audience laughs)

Hermione: OK, everyone, why are you ragging on him? I get it, I get it, Harry has done some stupid things in his life!

Audience: Get on with it!

Hermione: Anyway, he doesn't know how to treat people right. I mean, what's with the "human hosepipe" remark? That line sent Cho packing when he needed her the most. And don't even get me started on Ginny, OK?

Ron: Hermione has accused me of having the emotional range of a teaspoon, but I can freely say that Harry's level of love and compassion is at a -50%.

Audience: Ooooohhhh!

Katniss: What a shame; Harry is being ragged on by his closest friends. Speaking of which, I'd like to call up some people who have had the displeasure of being overlooked by Harry Potter fans.

Violet: Harry Potter thinks his life is messed up because of a bald guy. I have to deal with an evil count whose eye followed you everywhere. (audience laughs)

Legolas: Harry's little friend is an elf named Dobby. Like seriously! I'm an elf! He's just a poor excuse for a goblin! (audience laughs) He's no Gollum, but Dobby is quite annoying! (audience laughs)

Max: Harry goes to a magic school? Sheesh Louise! I go to an even better school than him! (audience laughs)

Billy (Raven): Speaking about that, I go to a school that deals with fine arts, but the real deal is our endowments, which Harry doesn't have because he has no real magical powers! (audience laughs)

Gale: If Harry were to compete in the Hunger Games, I bet that he'd be beaten down before the first 5 minutes are over! (audience laughs)

Katniss: Well, I guess what we mean to say is that Harry just isn't all that great if we are roasting him, right? (audience laughs) So anyway, I guess we'll have a few words from our wonderful guest of honor. (applause from audience as Bella rips the duct tape from Harry's mouth)

Harry: Oh hahahahaha! Is that what everyone actually thinks of me? As a loser? Well, I have news for you: my story roocks and yours suck!

Sansa: How?

Harry: Because I'm Harry Potter!

Tyrion: Oh, Harry, you think you're all cool, but I'm Tyrion Lannister and I'm even cooler than you are!

Audience: Oooooooooooooooohhhhhhhh!

Tyrion: And guess what? I may be a dwarf, but at least I can make up for it by spouting awesomeness at any given moment. And you can't. So who's the real genius now? Not you, that's for sure! (audience laughs)

Harry: Well, why are you all snapping on me? If it weren't for me, then you wouldn't be here, right?

Frodo: Sorry Harry, but I was here first.

Tim Hunter: So was I.

Charlie Bone: And in thanking you for ruining our lives just to make yours so great, I must say this (a tank appears): TANKS FOR NOTHING!!! (A huge snake slithers out of the tank and chases Harry, Ron, and Hermione. they run off the stage screaming their heads off)

Katniss: Well, we never saw this coming, or did we...say what? (audience laughs) Well, I'm Katniss Everdeen and this has been the roasting of Harry Potter! See you later! (applause from auidence. scene fades to black. credits roll)

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Friday, February 03, 2012

Demigods Rock part 3

Percy Jackson
Image via Wikipedia
Percy: Weren't those nomads just annoying?

Grover: You said it!

Annabeth: Not to mention that that bad boy James was just a big faker looking for attention.

Luke: Who does he think he is, anyway?

Claude: I think he's an idiot who uses his bad-boy behavior just to get some girls.

Percy: You're right, Claude. He is a jerk.

Grover: I can't stand that Laurent character; he talks funny.

Luke: At least he doesn't sound like that French knight in Monty Python.

Victoria: Yeah. Now *that's* an annoying character.

Annabeth: Speaking of annoying, I say Victoria is nothing more than an evil witch.

Katelyn: And you know how she is...all talk and no action.

Percy: No wonder why they are called the Annoying Nomads!

Luke: And this is by far the worst we had to deal with. Well, next to Kronos, that is.

Percy: I wonder who's next to bother us.

Katelyn: I can think of some people who are dying to annoy you.

Grover: And don't you kids have a story to do?

Victoria: I don't know why we're being featured in a little-known fandom to begin with. What's going on with that?

Annabeth: Charlie Bone? Well, I can't believe that we have a movie and that story doesn't.

Claude: Yeah! Hey Hollywood, why you no make Charlie Bone movie?

Katelyn: My point exactly. Now we have a movie to make, but we won't leave you guys alone for too long.

Grover: I hope not.

Luke: So who's the new person that's coming to annoy us? (everyone glares at him)

Percy: You just had to ask that question, didn't you?
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Fanfiction Trailer #3

Planet Earth is doomed.

From the La Push Show, Jacquel Jacob, Embry, and Quil are seeking treasure that was hidden from the world for thousands of years. But when they are in South America, they discover that it is the year 2012 and the world they live in is doomed to end. Panic sets in as secrets are revealed and a conspiracy to save “only those who are worthy of saving” is revealed.

And on top of that, it's up to our heroes to prevent the apocalypse from happening and save themselves and their families.

It’s the movie “2012”, but only with vampires, werewolves, and the huge threat of the annihilation of the human race.

This story has not yet been rated. Title to be determined later.
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What About the Teddy Lupin Story?

As we all know, I had written the fanfiction called "The Life & Times of Teddy Lupin" as a response to why Teddy Lupin nvere had his story written by Harry Potter author J.K. Rowling. We also know that Teddy was an orphn created by Rowling herself for a reason that many of us just don't understand.But as my days as a Harry Potter fan were winding down and I was beginning to take my permanent leave of the Harry Potter fandom, I knew that I could not just abandon the story of Teddy so easily.

I know that some of you are crying out, “Hey, whatever happened to the Teddy Lupin story that you were writing? Whatever happened to Charlie? What about Tim and Jacques? And we never heard from teddy or the twins either! Where did the story go?”

Here’s my answer: several years ago, or in 2009, I have written the story, but it turned out to be something that was written by a third-grader and a harry potter repeat as well. There were only seven chapters to the story and I don’t think that readers are interested in a story with only seven chapters.

Plus, the storyline was an epic fail on my part.

So to combat this, I will be pulling this story apart and rewriting it to include many chapters that didn’t make it into the book and I’ll be redoing the characters’ personalities as well. Some little used characters will be written out of the story and we will see more Teddy and less Charlie and Tim, since it is his story after all.
Well, until the revised story is published, I suggest that you have to wait for a good while. The story will be on FanFiction.net and Wattpad.

So there you have it.

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Friday, January 27, 2012

Fanfiction Trailer #2

In a world that was filled with lies and deceit, one kid set off on an epic adventure...

Wait, this sounds like every other fantasy out there! Do over, please?

A group of friends are banding together in order to stop runaway magic that is gripping the nation. Will they succeed?

Title of story to be determined.
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Jacquel Rassenworth does Percy Jackson

What happens when Jacquel Rassenworth ends up meeting the Greek gods?

Jacquel Rassenfinds herself waking up in a strange place. She sees several people that she had never seen before. A boy named Elijah Spears claims to be her boyfriend. A girl named Camille Gamble claims to be her best friend. Three other boys named Arthur Lane, Corey Maddox, and Robbie Hale claim to be her half-brothers.

But that's not the least of it.

Jacquel is claimed to be Ginger Page and her father is not Nicholas Rassenworth, but one of the Greek gods. Namely, Zeus, that was.

Ginger ends up at Camp Half-Blood, when there's a fight to keep her safe from the monster that was trying to destroy her. She discovers that there is a war happening between the Greek gods and the Titans, and she is also one of the prophesied heroes who could save the world...or destroy it.

And you thought that she had caused enough trouble in Harry Potter.

Name of story to be determined.

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Friday, January 20, 2012

Fantasy Roast #1

The Roasting of Frodo Baggins 

As seen on Fantasy Central

December 18, 2011

(laughter erupts from the Party Field in the Shire. There is a large group of people on stage sitting in the bleachers. Frodo Baggins is sitting on a huge chair in the middle of the stage. There are many more people in the audience, both Hobbits and humans. Saruman is at the microphone telling crazy jokes about Frodo.)

Saruman: I don't know why, but somehow, a little Hobbit has destroyed a ring when I could have done it myself. (audience laughs) Frodo, you've beaten me so many times, it's like I'm so old that I went to high school with Gandalf...wait, I already have! (audience laughs and applauds. Sam Gamgee goes to the microphone)

Sam: Thank you, Saruman, for those rather touching jokes. And next up, we have Percy Jackson from "Percy Jackson & the Olympians"! (audience applauds as Percy goes to the microphone)

Percy: Frodo, you may be a little Hobbit, but you had the guts to do what you did. If it were me, I'd hand the ring to Kronos and have him and Sauron duke it out while we watch. 

Luke: Which would be a bad idea because then other bad guys would jump in claiming the ring and then they would all be in a fight. You would have destroyed every villain in fantasy without even knowing it. 

Frodo: And yet, life would be kind of ironic, seeing as the ring is still there and the bad guys are not. 

Sam: That would be freaky...(just then, a very rude guest cuts in)

Megatron: Hey, this is unfair! I want to roast Frodo too! Why can't I join in?

Frodo: Because you would insult all humanity and try to make us all slaves. So there!

Megatron: I hate you, you annoying little rabbit!

Laurent: Hey, I resent that remark!

Sam: Let's move on, shall we? The next person to roast Frodo shall be Eragon from the Inheritance Cycle. (audience applauds as Eragon goes to the microphone)

Eragon: I don't know why I'm saying this, but your lack of dragons is insulting. I have never been so angry at the Lord of the Rings as I am now. Your uncle was an idiot for getting that dragon killed when he could have rode it into battle and fried all those orcs...

Danny: Hey, shut up! You have no right to insult him for what his uncle did! His uncle is a hero and they both deserve your respect!

Eragon: And what about you, Little Miss Dragon Bitch? You think you're so special just because you happened to hatch three dragons...

Drogo: Hey, bub, how dare you insult my wife! You have no clout!

Sam: I don't know about you, but what I do know is that some people just love to bash the past. Ok, next up, she may not have faced a dragon, but I know she's been through more crap than most normal girls. Please welcome Lyra Belacqua! (audience applauds as Lyra goes to the microphone.)

Lyra: Frodo, I know for a fact that you have faced many dangers, but still, facing the prospect of failure is enough to motivate even the most doubtful of people. And for that, I salute you.

Eragon: Really? You're saying that you'd rather pay homage to a Hobbit than to a brave Dragon Rider who saved his country from an evil tyrant?

Percy: Oh, please! You call yourself a hero? Well, I'm not buying that for a second! You have to get your stupid dumbass in danger and everyone wants to use you for their own ends!

Katniss: At least I take care of my own issues without the help of a dragon! Dragons are for pussies!

Aragorn: Yeah! And also, the hero gets the girl; but you ended up with a dragon. What kind of guy are you?

Frodo: Is this the Frodo Roast or the Eragon Bash?

Merry: Don't worry. Pippin and I will take care of this. (goes to microphone, where the roasters are hurling insults at each other and claps two microphones together. The arguing stops as everyone covers their ears to block the annoying sound.) Well, for all your yelling at Eragon, you're forgetting that Frodo is strange in his own way. 

Pippin: I mean, you should see his ring collection. He has a ring fetish! (audience laughs)

Frodo: Pippin!

Merry: And there's also that thing with Sam. I bet they're gay for each other, if you know what I mean...

Sam: Really, Merry? You just HAD to announce that to everyone here?

Merry: Well, what else explains why you two are so fricking close?

Pippin: I bet they enjoy sharing the same bed...

Audience: Ooooohhhh...

Sam: That's quite enough, you two! So Frodo has a thing for rings, why would he not? I think he regrets throwing away the One Ring, even though he did and saved Middle Earth. And as for the gay thing, I believe that Merry and Pippin are rather insane for saying such things as that. It's not like we short guys don't have a love life. Speaking of short people, the next speaker may not have a nose, but I'm sure he has more guts in his feet than the rest of you have in your own bodies. Please welcome Tyrion Lannister from "Game of Thrones"! (audience applauds as Tyrion goes to the microphone)

Tyrion: Frodo, Frodo, Frodo, what can I say about you? You must have had some serious guts to do what you did or you're rather foolish. But enough of that. Sometimes, I wonder if you seriously knew what you were getting yourself into when you took that quest; I certainly would have requested another person to do it, namely my brother Jaime...

Jaime: Oh come on, Tyrion, really?

Tyrion: Yes, really! Hopefully, that'll keep you away from our bitch of a sister! (Cersei growls at him) Anyway, back to my original thought: your story has set the standards for all fantasy stories, though none of them will ever attain the status that the Lord of the Rings has in terms of popularity...(here, he is rudely interrupted by Harry Potter, who forces his way onto the stage)

Harry: Oh ha ha ha ha ha! Everybody *LOVES* Frodo! He's the big-time hero! But what about me? I'm Harry Potter, the greatest fantasy character ever!

Charlie Bone: Yeah right! You suck and your books are nothing but crap!

Harry: But why does everyone think that Frodo is great? I should be the hero! After all, I do magic, I beat a bad guy, I even get a girl...

Meggie: No you don't; you just get someone else's sister! (several people boo and hiss)

Harry: Oh what do you know, you stupid bookworm? It's not like you can't read up a guy who's so much better than me!

Meggie: I don't need to; in fact, he's right up on stage in front of you!

Katniss: Frodo is so much better than you!

Danny: I concur. 

Harry: But...but I'm better than him! I'm smarter than him! I'm bigger than him!

Bella: Not where it counts! (audience laughs)

Sam: Harry, I think you need to leave now. (at this, two security guards arrive and firmly escort Harry off the stage) I guess someone's popularity just took a nosedive after the "Hunger Games" trailer was released, huh? (audience laughs) And now we have a final word from Frodo...(Frodo goes to the microphone)

Frodo: Thank you everyone for your off-colored jokes about me. And now I must say, I may have been the It Boy for the past 50 years, but that doesn't mean that my story can't influence many more generations of readers. But what I see up here on stage is rather astounding: some creepy trolling wizard, a pissy dragon boy, a girl who's obsessed with vampires, and a dwarf who can't even come up with a good joke to save his life. I must be on some kind of crack reality show or something like that. Just remember how and why you got to where you are now... because of me! Payce out, y'all! (he leaves the stage. applause from audience. Credits roll)

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Friday, January 13, 2012

Fanfiction Trailer #1

(the following fanfic is rated PG-13)

Coming soon to a fanfiction website near you...


3 friends stranded in the middle of nowhere.

A doom that threatens to tear apart the world.

Jacquel Romanov, Ron Weasley, and Hermione Granger are now stuck in the world of Percy Jackson & the Olympians after a tragic accident sends them to Camp Half-Blood. But they can't relax, for there are shocking rivalries, cruel titans, and even a huge secret regarding Ron's true origins.

So get ready for an adventure unlike any other!

Name of fanfic to be determined

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Strange Things Happen in Bone Academy Chapter 1

Charlie Bone woke up back in his room. It had been at least several hours since the showdown with Harry Potter, and because of that, Manfred had lost his father and grandfather.

The other boy was in his room, still asleep, or sulking, as Charlie had seen him do the last few hours. Charlie didn't blame him much.

He jumped out of bed and ran straight down to the ktchen. Everyone else was dwn there; the excitement over Lyell Bone's return had yet to die down. Charlie was a bit surprised when Maisie shoved a plate piled high with food at him.

"You must be hungry after everything that has happened last night," said Maisie. Charlie nodded. "And when that boy tried to attack you..."

Paton said, "I don't think he wants to talk about that right now, don't you, Charlie?"

Charlie said, "What's to talk about? That kid is evil. There's no doubt in my mind that he must be stopped. End of story."

"But what about that strange girl?" said Amy. "That girl who showed up?"

Charlie said, "I'm not sure if we should trust her or not. After all, she *did* hang out with Harry and all..."

"Being careful is not in your vocabulary," said Maisie, "but this is a first. You would mistrust someone you barely know?"

Charlie said, "I'm sure she'll find a way to get back at me for what I did to him."

Paton frowned. "I thought that we were supposed to lure her away from her friends," he said.

"We did," said Charlie. "Or rather, Tancred and Lysander did. But now that it's all over, I think she'll turn on us and try to destroy us for kidnapping her."

Griselda walked into the room, saying, "Tell me this isn't true. Is Charlie losing his nerve?"

"I still have my nerve, thank you very much," Charlie shot back.

"I'm not convinced," said Griselda as she stared at him. Charlie said, "I do know of what happened last night; no need to convince me otherwise. But still..."

"We'll cross that bridge when we reach it," said Paton. They all looked up and saw Manfred Bloor staring at them. He had a mean look on his face. There was no need to talk to him at all.

Without a word, he plopped down in a chair and began eating. Charlie had over 100 things to say to him, but how does one go about giving out condolences to someone that they didn't like? Especially since it concerned said person's father?

Charlie stood up, made his excuses to everyone, and rushed upstairs. something told him that he should not be down here right now.

------

Jason Rutherford was on his way to Darkly Wynd. He had an appointment to keep. It this meeting succeeded, then he could go on with his plan. But there were two complications: one, would his children appreciate this new plan, and #2, what was he going to do about a certain young girl who suddenly showed up at his apartment last night?

Eustacia noticed him and said to him, "You're just in time, Jason. We were getting worried that you might not show up at all. Vennie is most excited."

"I'm sure she is," said Jason. "After all, not just anyone is allowed to marry into the Yewbeam family."

"Indeed," said Lucretia. "Anyway, about the girl..."

"You know about her?" said Jason.

"We all do," said Venetia. "After all, she had been spellbound for several years. How old is she now? 11? 12?"

"14," said Jason even though the mystery girl was about 13 years old. "We don't know what to do with her."

"I think she should be sent to us," said Lucretia. "If she is endowed, then we would be on hand to help guide her. No endowed child is allowed to run around in the city unchecked."

"I see," said Jason. "But there is the matter of your sister, Griselda. She does not accept me."

"She will, once she has knowledge of the boy," said Venetia as she leered at him. "You have my word."

"Indeed," said Eustacia. "But now there's the manner of the school. The Bloors are no longer in charge, and Manfred is only 19. I figure that we take over."

"A great idea," said Jason. "You know, due to recent events, we're going to have to keep a close eye on those endowed students. There's no teling of what they might do."

Lucretia smiled. Even though she wasn't keep on the idea of this young man marrying her sister, he did share a lot of their views. There was a sister to find and a school to run. She had plans for the school.

And there might be one Charlie Bone who could easily undo all those plans.

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Demigods Rock part 2

Logan Lerman as Percy in The Lightning Thief (...
Image via Wikipedia
(Scene takes place at Camp Half-Blood. Percy Jackson, Annabeth Chase, Grover Underwood and Luke Castellan are in Percy's cabin)

Percy: Now that we're all here, I have some issues that we need to work out.

Grover: Like what?

Percy: Those kids. the ones who showed up in the last story.

Annabeth: Why do we need to deal with them?

Percy: They're annoying!

Luke: What? Like those Annoying Nomads? (James, Laurent, & Victoria show up)

James: We are not annoying!

Laurent: In fact, we are normal.

Victoria: And because we are normal...

Percy: You guys aren't normal!

Grover: Yeah! You guys caused a lot of trouble in Twilight!

James: We did not!

Luke: Yes you did. You tried to kill Bella.

Grover: You broke the vampire bro code: a vampire bro may not bite another vampire bro's girl!

James: You boys are so stupid you don't know what you're talking about!

Percy: And Laurent was nothing but a jerk and Victoria was a total witch.

Victoria: You better take that back, you stupid boy!

Luke: Oh shut it! You're a witch and you know it!

Annabeth: Can we please ask those kids to show up now?

Percy: No! They're annoying!

Grover: But these are the Annoying Nomads!

James: Uh, we are NOT annoying!

Annabeth: Yes you are!

Percy: Shut up, James!

James: Why don't you, water boy! (Katelyn, Victoria, and Claude show up)

Katelyn: Oh no you didn't just insult him!

James: Stupid girl...

Katelyn: Did I say that you can talk?

James: Uh...

Katelyn: Now you better get to stepping off right now or else I'll develop a bad attitude!

Laurent: You heard her, James, we must leave now or else she'll hurt us!

James: All right. You brats win this round, but we'll be back! (the Nomads leave)

Victoria (O'Neil): What a jerk!

Claude: I'm surprised that they went easy on him!

Katelyn: They didn't.

Percy: AAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!! Every time I try to do something decent, you three come here and screw it up!!! (he storms out the cabin in anger. Luke, Annabeth, and Grover all stare at each other.)

Annabeth: He wil never learn, won't he?

Grover & Luke: Seaweed brain!

Katelyn: Don't call him that!

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