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Since Breaking Dawn part 1 the movie is in theaters today (I saw it, I loved it!) I figure I'd do a couple of Twilight-related fics just to show how much I love the Twilight series. So, here we go!
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Jacob: Hello, and welcome to the Twilight Wedding Day Blog Post Extravaganza!! I'm going to be telling you all about what happened on the day that Edward and Bella got married.
Seth: And also, did you know Jacob was caught making out with some random girl at the reception?
Leah: And I thought you cared about Bella!
Jacob: Why you guys so mean?
Leah: Shut it, Jake!
Seth: Anyway, here's what happened at the wedding:
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BREAKING DAWN WEDDING
Leah: Wasn't that a great wedding?
Jacob: Too bad Bella's going to become a bloodsucker's wife. She should have chosen me; I could have given her so much more.
Leah: Get over yourself, Jake. Bella never would have chosen you; she just wanted you as a friend. Or would you like me to tell you what Seth saw?
Jacob: What?
Leah: Seth told me you decided to trick Bella into kissing you in order to stop you from killing yourself.
Jacob: So what? I wasn't going to let her just run off and marry that stupid Edward!
Leah: Grow up, Jacob! You can't just force a girl to like you. If Bella had liked you, then you wouldn't be acting stupid, now would you? And if Edward were in your position, he'd let her choose whoever she wanted. So shut up and give up.
Embry: Oh-ho, BURN!!
Jacob: At least I'm not a bastard child.
Embry: WHAT DID YOU SAY???
BBella: Jake! Were you trying to skip out on my wedding?
Jacob: Bella, are you and Edward going to have kids?
Charlie: Well, are you?
Edward: I hope not.
Esme: Why not?
Edward: I don't know if I would be a good father.
Carlisle: But I am a good father, Edward. And I know for sure that you and Bella would be great parents.
Billy: We must see what your kid looks like. All in favor of an Edward-Bella baby?
Crowd: (cheers)
Bella: Jacob, if you mess this up like you did in the book, I won't hesitate to beat you up.
Sam: And we're not going to help you this time, Jake.
Leah: Yeah, so no imprinting on the kid or I'll destroy you and beg her forgiveness later.
Seth: Yup, so you better shut up and let nature take its course.
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Jacob: Well, we can't describe to you the honeymoon or the hot bedroom scenes; Sue would kill me if Seth saw the video, but anyway, here's the real story about what happened in Breaking Dawn...
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Bella: I'm tired, I'm depressed, and I feel so...FAT!!! (bursts into tears)
Rosalie: Don't worry, I'm sure it will end well for you.
Bella: Shut up, you disgusting blond bimbo! I can't believe you doomed Emmett to a life of vampirism just because he reminded you of little Henry! That's disgusting!
Leah: Yeah, tell her, Bella!
Bella: And when that baby is born, I want you OUT of here! (Charlie shows up)
Charlie: Hi Bells. What's new?
Bella: I'm fatter than Aunt Faye, that's wassup!
Charlie: Don't feel too bad, Bella.
Bella: Really? (just then, she goes into labor) Edward? I think the baby's coming!
Edward: Indeed. Somebody find Carlisle; we've got to seal off the house and make sure that any witnesses don't throw up. (Carlisle shows up and they rush Bella to the back of the house)
Charlie: Is she going to be OK?
Billy: Let's hope so.
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Jacob: Well, let's just say that this part will cause some people to snicker...
Seth: But what about Renesmee?
Leah: Don't worry, she'll be in the story as well.
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Charlie: So, what's the damage?
Carlisle: It's a girl...and a boy. Bella is doing fine. (all breathe sighs of relief) Would you like to see her now?
Charlie: Yes, we would. (the group gets up and walks into the room where Bella and the babies are)
Seth: Awwww, they're so cute!!
Paul: You think all tiny things are cute.
Seth: Shut up, Paul!
Jacob: (stares at baby Renesmee) Well, the good news is, they're not dangerous.
Sam: But the bad news is, you just imprinted on the girl.
Jacob: Oh come on! Really?
Leah: Well, way to go, Jakey! You managed to eff up the story! Again! (stares at Edward junior)
Edward: His name is Edward junior and he thinks you're very pretty.
Leah: Huh? (just then, the gravity of the situation hits her) Oh no! I imprinted on Bella's baby!
Bella: (glares at everyone) Jacob? Leah? I'm going to kick your asses!!
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Jacob: And that's the story. Thanks for coming to the extravaganza.
Leah: Now if you'll excuse us, we need to run away before Bella kicks both our butts! (they flee, leaving Seth behind)
Seth: This is unfair, guys! I'm not taking the blame for your screw-ups!
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